That Whole Other Article

     The great promise of progress has somehow gone awry.  Many great new inventions have come, and some have as quickly gone.  Others have hung around, though I cannot fathom why.

     Some were crazy crazes, toys and games; some were household gadgets, meant to ease our work.  Progress for its own sake alone, I think is foolish.  Just because we can do something, does not mean we should! 

     I submit for your consideration the old-fashioned ways of saving food.  Surely you recall.  Mothers saved glass jars to keep leftovers fresh.  As a child, you could not trust the labels in the 'fridge.  Just because a jar said "peanut butter," beware--it was as likely to harbor dreaded vegetables!

     Then there were the bowls of mystery food.  Who knew what lurked therein?  Covered up as they were, in plastic hats like shower caps,  (do they even make shower caps anymore?) you could not know what the content was; the bowl was opaque.  Good bet, though, it was something liquid and likely to spill.

     Accidents were common--these containers all were glass--which we know does not bounce well.

     And then the 1950's hit, and Tupperware™ hit the scene.  Oh, joy!  No more broken glass--drop it and it bounces--just like a rubber ball.  The early stuff, though, still opaque:   mystery foods remained.  My mother, though, remained immune to the lure of bouncing bowls.  Nary a single piece of Tupperware™ ever graced her shelves.  Steadfastly she clung to her second-hand mayonnaise and peanut butter jars, and a few glass bowls.

     And speaking of cling, we come to the next fad to hit the market.  Plastic cling wrap in various brand names.  The stuff is still around, but for the life of me, I cannot imagine why.  Touted for its strength and mainly for its ability to cling to all those bowls...it supposedly solved the problem of mystery foods, for it was clear see-through!

     All well and good, but I must ask, is it worth the pain?  The stuff is tough--doesn't want to tear.  And as you try to rip a hunk on the handy serrated box edge, it's as likely your knuckle you'll rip, and bleed all over the food.  The plastic wrap, though stretched all out of shape, steadfastly in one piece remains.

     And next, the cling, ah, the cling, that miracle cling.  Yes, it clings.  It clings to the box, it clings to you, and most of all, and best of all, it clings unto itself!  Once folded over, toss it out, for each attempt to pry it apart results in only more corners coming in to the clotted mess.  Ah, rats!  You'll have to try again.  A new sheet tear, with any luck, comes off the roll and lays all flat.  Wonderful!  Now to apply it to the bowl.

     If luck is with you, you get it across the bowl...and pull the sides to stick it down.  It does cling beautifully to glass and china plates and bowls.  (Not to plastic, though, oh no!)  Ah, but woe is you and woe is me, if  one drop of liquid soils the edge..for now it's all about slip and slide and grip-me-not.  Toss it out, dry the bowl, and start again.

     Working with a bandaged knuckle, again you pull a sheet.  Using both hands to foil the stuff from self-clinging, now how do you cut it off?  An assistant is needed at this point.  Oh dear!  It seems the stuff is full of static, and a second person's presence adds to the charge.  Now they are caught up, too.  It wafts toward your faces, threatening suffocation..and still it's attached to the roll..which now, 'helpfully' tumbles out of the box, and unrolls toward the floor.

     Caught up in the static cling, trying to free yourselves, around your ankles now it rolls.  Bending over to free your feet, and up it leaps, lusting after its kin in your hands.  Round and round you wrestle the stuff, until attracted by all the yelling, another party enters the room, and finds you and your helper tied up in some kinky bondage scene. 

     Then how do you explain all this when calling 9-1-1??