GARDENING BY PROXY

Spring is on the near horizon, and my thoughts turn once again to the garden and being out-of-doors.  I have always loved a beautiful garden, but never seem to have the time or, frankly, the inclination to spend hours pulling weeds, fertilizing and watering.

As a child, I had assorted 'gardens' in the backyard, dutifully tended by my mother.  I tended them fitfully at best, usually by watering, and then getting sidetracked playing in the water.  (After all, isn't that what you'd expect from a Pisces?!)

My mother struggled some with trying to grow plants she liked, but did not have a great deal of success (in her 'young mother' years, anyway); she claimed a "brown thumb."  All I had to do was say, "Oh, don't rip out that plant.  I want it!"  Mother would leave the plant in the ground, continue to tend it, but now that it was in my name, it would flourish.  It vexed Mother, and amused me!

As a retired senior citizen, however, the tables turned for Mom.  She had me design and lay out a beautiful bulb garden for her.  By this time, I was long since married and out of the house, and Mother was a widow of long-standing.  She cherished the hours spent tending her beloved bulbs, and indeed, they flourished, and her spring and summer garden was a delight to behold. 

At the time, I was living in an area not at all well-suited for a garden of any kind, either weather-wise or soil-wise.  I often joked that we could easily go into business selling ballast, as it was impossible to dig down more than an inch or two without hitting fist-sized rocks.  Digging a fence post hole required rental of a jackhammer!  I tried in vain to grow some vegetables for the family while living there.  Alas--one year, I got a three-pronged carrot with a rock in the middle, and my tomatoes never ripened.  I ended up seeking out an old family recipe for picallili--a type of relish made from green tomatoes.  After that, I gave up, and let the gophers and the dog have run of the yard--always marveling that the gophers managed to dig their way through!

Fast-forward to the present day.  Our finances are not in such great shape, thanks to the economy at large, and in seeking out ways to help, I have once again turned to the idea of a vegetable garden.  Where we live now, however, is a suburban community, with a long-standing history as a farming area.  Both the weather and the soil are near perfect.  And we have our own well on the premises, so watering will not affect my water bill.  Yay!

I have selected an area of the yard that is sheltered and shhhh!!!  (say it in a whisper--not frequented by the gophers that seem to plague the rest of our acreage). 

 For my first crops, I have selected corn, eggplant ( both first attempts for me), radishes (old friends), and green onions.  My first experience with onions was not so good--we'll see what happens this time.

So, today and tomorrow, I am clearing the area of the dead tree limbs lost in a winter storm.  Next will be the chore of raking up all the resulting leaves, pulling weeds, and tilling the soil.  Then, I'll be ready to plant.  Check back here often to read up on the progress, and see photos, too.  I will be using this blog as my 'garden journal,' in addition to my other 'stray thoughts' which appear here from time to time.

The photo above shows the planned garden area.  Unfortunately, I dug to the project in before remembering to take my 'before' photo, so a large pile of branches up against the fence at the right side had already been cleared, although you can see some of the resulting leaves still there.   The fence to the right is the West side; the fence facing the camera is South, and when we moved here, that was open to the street, with a goofy cyclone fence on the inside edge, about at the camera position in this photo.





The photo at right shows the valve for the sprinklers.  See?  We had always planned to plant something out here.  We installed the sprinklers in 2008, and they only await crops to water.

   

Now, we shall see whether or not I can garden on my own, or if it will be once again 'by proxy' because hubby enjoys gardening. ... ... ... stay tuned.



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This is Too, Too Funny!

DISCLAIMER NOTICE:

I readily admit that I am neither the author nor the compiler of this collection of hilarity. It came to me in a multi-forwarded e-mail, and is purportedly from an article that appeared in the Washington Post newspaper.

All attempts to research this piece and trace it to the source have failed. It does not actually seem to exist on that site. Google search came up with either no results, or irrelevant ones.

It is not my intention to take credit for another's work. If anyone knows where to contact the original source, please let me know, as my intention to start with was to simply publish a link, but that did not pan out.

**********************************************

These are about as humorous as they get by someone who has a way with words. The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting,or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the 2009 winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running
late.

10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer, right?

12. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido : All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.) : Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

And the winners are:

1. Coffee , n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted , adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate , v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade , v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly , adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent , adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph , v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle , n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence , n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash , n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle , n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude , n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon , n... A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster , n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism , n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent , n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

Hope you had a good chuckle!!

Here we go again...

Every day I am amazed anew at the very basic, elementary education that seems to be missing amongst adults who ought to know better. Frankly, I am shocked.

This "Oh, well, so what? No big deal!" attitude is just plain scary. For if folks are that apathetic about their very language, then they are likely to be just as apathetic about what the government is up to--and that is extremely dangerous territory. The little things do matter, and it is not just about some "old folks" being nit-picky.

The most recent bunch of offenders deal with people seeming to not know the difference between anatomy and action; between possession and position or action; between understanding and denial, or between geometry and theology.

Let's examine these in the order in which I mentioned them:

Anatomy: Heel. The rear-most part of the foot, just below the ankle. My heel hurts.

Action: Heal. To make well or cure. The medicine will heal the illness.

Possession: Their. The book belongs to them: it is theirs.
Position/Action: They're--a contraction for 'they are.' They are (They're) here. They're going
home soon. They're sick.

Understanding: Know. Knowledge--to be aware of and understand something.

Yes, I know the answer.
Denial: No. No, you may not use the car.

Geometry: Angle. In a game of pool, you use many angle shots.

Theology: Angel. An angel is a winged being of many religious beliefs.

And that's class for today. Please take care to use the correct forms of words. It is important. The wrong word changes the entire meaning, at best, from just not making sense; to the other extreme: at worst, the wrong words have caused wars.

Every Day There are More Language Confusions..

Hello again!

Today, there are two pairs of words, and another trio that I've seen as problem areas recently. In some cases, it is a matter of just not knowing the correct usage; in others, it may be simply carelessness or trying to type too fast. To determine which is the case, read on.

I've begun by using the trio in my first paragraph. It is unsettling to some degree, seeing how often the three forms of the words "to, too, and two" are misused. I used to think this was second-grade lesson material--apparently not, in today's educational system.

"To" is used to denote a how, when, where. The "how" useage was in the previous sentence, in beteen the words "used," and "denote." Or, "In order to drive a nail, you need a hammer."

"Too" is used in the sense of 'overmuch' or 'also.' For example: "I used too much milk in the batter, making it runny." Or, "I am going to the park, and I am taking Fido, too." (In that sentence, we also see the 'where' useage of the "to" spelling.)

"Two," of course, designates the spelled-out version of the numeral "2."

****
And on to the next:

High on the list of errors made with our goofy spelling and origins are "sight" and "site." The first spelling, "sight" refers to your eyes, as in 'eyesight,' or to a beautiful view: "The mountains against the sunset sky were a wonderful sight to behold." Then, there is the sense of a very desireable something seen, as in "Well, aren't you a sight for sore eyes." Granted, this last example might have folks hollering about a particular chain of vision-care outlets, calling itself "A Site for Sore Eyes." That is, my friends, a very clever pun. A pun, of course being a play on words, using one word to substitute for another in an attempt to be cute.

The spelling of "site," means location or area. "The Indian burial site is considered sacred ground." Or, "We have decided on the site for the new restaurant." In the case of the vision-care chain, they are making a play on the 'sight for sore eyes' by substituting "site," thereby informing clients that 'this is the place' if your eyes are causing you problems. Very clever, indeed, but potentially confusing for those who don't have a good grasp of the two spellings--and meanings-- of this pair of homophones.

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Finally, I want to take on the pair of "wreak" and "reek." Homophones, once again, but with oh-so-different meanings.

"Reek" means to smell terrible, or have a strong odor. "The locker room reeks of sweaty shoes and dirty clothes." Or, "This onion reeks and is making my eyes water."

Conversly, "wreak" means to do, act upon, or cause, and is most often seen in the sense of "to wreak havoc" upon something: "If the mayor has his way, he is going to wreak havoc upon the city's budget." I do not believe it is possible to 'reek' havoc, unless by use of the previously discussed pun, and the tossing of a stink bomb into the council chambers prior to the mayor's address.

Now this is one of those terrible words whose past tense seems very far removed from the word. The past tense still has the 'wr' beginning, but all similarity ends there. You are not supposed to say, "wreaked," but rather "wrought." It rhymes with 'thought,' or, if you prefer, with "rot." I know there are plenty of folks out there who feel that this language of ours with all its crazy rules and contradictions is a lot of rot. But, it was set in motion long before my day, and it will probably be a very long time before any drastic changes are made to eliminate all of these problems; at which point, you may be sure, it will be an entirely new language, unrecognizable as the English we know today.

More on our Crazy Language

There are enough puzzles and bewilderments in the English Language to drive most folks crazy. At the very least, it seems that many folks just stop trying to bother with correct spelling and structure.

While all languages do shift and evolve over time, such shifts happen faster in languages with so many different sources of confusion. Indeed, sources are the key problem, for English is a bastard language. It has no true direct heritage of its own, but has come about by means of borrowing from many other languages. We have old Norse, some Gaelic, German, French, Latin, Spanish--and others--a little bit of everyone else's native tongues. This was the history and development of English. No wonder it can have such confusing spellings, and such a wide variety of meanings for a single word. And...the faster a language changes, the more confusing things get. So...help hold the line and slow down the pace of change by using the correct words and spellings! You will be the ultimate beneficiary.

In looking up definitions for homophones (words sounding alike, but spelled differently, and with different meanings), we find that many of these sound-alikes have come into the language from different root languages. "Ambulance" and "ambulatory" are words that come to mind to examine this issue. While not true homophones, because they are, in fact, different words with slightly different endings, and therefore different pronunciations, they both begin the same way. This would lead most logical folks to figure that they must have come to us from the same root.

Now, of course, someone who is 'ambulatory' is able to walk about on their own, while someone needing a ride in an 'ambulance' is certainly not 'ambulatory.' Contradictory, yes. But, the two words did not come to us from the same root language, but from two different ones. The sound-alike component is pure coincidence.

Other words that sound alike but mean very different things get folks into trouble on a daily basis. At best, they make themselves look foolish and uneducated with these errors; at worst, serious misunterstandings could arise with who knows what consequences.

There is a trio of words on my mind today which fall into this category. I have seen numerous errors with these very recently, prompting my decision to discuss them here.

We have "peak," "peek," and "pique." All share identical pronunciation, yet each has a very different meaning than the others, so it is critically important to use them correctly.

"Peak," of course, means the very top, as in "peak performance," or summit, as a mountain's "peak."

"Peek," is a sly look-see, as to "peek" through a fence to view what is happening on the other side, or a game of "peek-a-boo" with a baby.

"Pique," on the other hand, has more of a meaning of stimulation, usually used in the sense of "to pique one's curiosity." In other words, to drop a hint to stimulate others' interest in what comes next. They do this daily on the news broadcasts, telling you just a little bit about the next news bit "...coming right up after this break." In the broadcast business, they call this a teaser. The effect, though, is to make you sufficiently curious to stay tuned through the commercials to see the next segment....they have piqued your curiosity.

Just when you thought things were confusing enough, "pique" also has a second meaning, that of being in a state of anger or irritation. People are said to say (or do) unfortunate things, which they may later regret, "...in a fit of pique."

While all three words sound the same, they are very different in print. In hearing them, you choose the appropriate meaning through the context in which they are used. In print, you have to know the correct word to use. If a writer has used the wrong word, you must then rely on context to determine what they meant to say. I ran across this just the other day: someone was on Twitter, plugging their online store, and had posted, "..take a peak at my new items." Incorrect word! No one is going to the top of anything, or climbing mountains in order to view things in an online shop.

If a visual cue to remember would help, then think of it this way: visualize "peak" written thusly: peAk. The top of the 'A' represents a mountain peak, hence, the sense of 'top' or 'summit.'

For "peek," visualize the two 'e's in the middle with pupils added, so they become eyes, "peeking" out to see what they can see.

For "pique," however, a visual is harder. Just think of it by its sense of being 'curious,' (or irritated) and as "that one with the funny spelling." ;-)

A WORD TO THE WISE

This applies to you if you are on FaceBook, and play any of their games and/or ever decide to click an ad for an online game.

WARNING:

Below is the verbatim text as I sent it to Face Book as a complaint:

"There are some 3rd-Party applications and games running on FaceBook, and then there are those which come up as ads. I believe this complaint falls into that category, and this is an ad/company that FaceBook should block/disallow in order to retain its credibility as a safe venue.

"Specifically, the outfit in question is “GAMEVANCE.” They run the game “Duck Hunt” among their other ‘free online games’ offerings. In order to play, they require a person to sign up for an ‘account.’ This is free, but they ask for you to supply your e-mail address.

"Yesterday, I did sign up, and attempted to play a few games. The site is not user-friendly at all, because after you have finished a game, (screen reads, “game over”), you cannot open another one; it tells you that you already have a game open, and must close it first. Unfortunately, there is no way to do this. No ‘close’ button, and by the time this message is displayed, the game you were playing is no longer visible, anyway. The only way to effectively ‘close’ the game is to log out and start again. A nuisance, at best.

"Yet, that is not the worst part. The major problem with this outfit is that they ARE guilty of SPYWARE and ADWARE!!

"I had not had my “account” for even 2 hours, when I noticed, when checking one of my blogs, that all of a sudden, one of the words well down in an article was underlined as a hyperlink, and a mouse-over brought up a “GAMEVANCE” search engine dialog box.

"Now, HOW did they get INTO my blog, and mess with it to do this??? Because they are SPIES!!! How do I know this? Simple! In signing up for anything that I’m not quite sure I trust, I use a DIFFERENT e-mail address than I do for anything else. No one knows about what this e-mail addy is; I don’t tell anyone. It IS a DIFFERENT e-mail than the one I use for both my blogs and my FaceBook account!

"ERGO---this PROVES that “GAMEVANCE” snooped into my computer, and found all my other items, and without permission, inserted their invasive link into my blog!!! This is INTOLERABLE, UNACCEPTABLE, AND UNETHICAL IN THE EXTREME!

"FaceBook should take whatever steps are necessary to IMMEDIATELY block/cancel/remove “GAMEVANCE” and any and all of its apps from any connection with FaceBook. This is vital in order for FaceBook to maintain its credibility as a safe venue.

"This information WILL BE POSTED everywhere else on the web I can think of…including copies to the ‘big 3’ broadcast corporations. “GAMEVANCE” is a dangerous player, and needs to be taken down posthaste!

A Sad Day for Equal Rights

Today, the California Supreme Court handed out their decision on the controversial Proposition 8, passed by voters last November.

Their ruling, tragically, was in favor of upholding the proposition. In their edict, the justices stated that the actual ruling concerned whether or not voters had the right to amend the state's constitution, and in upholding the proposition, claimed that, yes, voters had that right.

Sadly, everyone, (including the judges), has missed the point by light years. That point being that the entire 'gay'/lesbian marriage/domestic partner issue is about equal rights for all people. In upholding Prop. 8, a serious blow has been dealt to the rights of a very large number of individuals.

Furthermore, the main opponents of this controversial proposition were religious right-wing church holier-than-thou people, who seem to have no clue whatsoever that any pronouncements about "morality," and "what god finds offensive," are the purview of churches, and not of the state.

Indeed, by the voters passing this proposition, and the judges in upholding it, our guarantee of separation of church and state has been sorely undermined. Remember, that guarantee is federal, found in the U.S. Constitution; it is not up to the State of California to overturn our federal rights.

Anyone who bothered to pay attention, or do a minimal amount of digging knows that the main funding, advertising campaigns and backing in favor of this horribly discriminatory piece of legislation came from two of the largest churches on the planet: the Catholics and the Mormons.

That is about as far wrong as anything can get! Deny it though they might, the paper trail speaks for itself.

Now, given our guaranteed separation of church and state, what business to churches, as organization, have messing about in our political process in the first place, and attempting (and often succeeding) in influencing the vote? No business whatever, that's what! This needs to be banned, and stopped, or we will soon find ourselves stripped of all the freedoms our forefathers worked and fought to put into place.

Let us not forget that this country was founded by people fleeing from religious persecution! The pilgrims wanted to worship as they saw fit. Their descendants assured that right to all future generations with their wise clause in the constitution making sure church stayed out of state business, and vice-versa. This also includes the right of atheists to have their views, and also not be persecuted for any 'failure to worship.'

Now, these people who call themselves the "moral majority," (which, by the way, is neither!), want to take all these protections away from everyone based on their own selfish, uneducated, intolerant, and yes, even brainwashed views! For as soon as the way is cleared for the oppression of any one group, or the removal of any guaranteed rights, the way is paved to make the next attack on anyone's rights all the easier.

The time has come for a rebellion! Rebel against moneyed special interests. Rebel against churches influencing state issues. Rebel against self-appointed religious "watchdogs" dictating to others how their lives should be lived.

It does not matter if these people hold the opinion that the gay "lifestyle" is "an "abomination to god." So what? What someone else does in their private life doesn't hurt these judgemental folks. It is, in the end, only their opinion (and we all know what those are worth!) The matter is still none of their business, and it is not their responsibility to babysit anyone else's "immortal soul." That is strictly the business of each individual unto himself. And incidentally, it's a pretty presumptuous position to take that any human knows the mind of any 'god.'

(And no, being 'gay' or lesbian is NOT a 'choice' or 'lifestyle'; it's a biological difference, and this is scientifically proven!) They need to do their homework before they spout off. Furthermore, if one believes in a god that supposedly "made everyone and everything," then that entity also made homosexuals...so to rail against homosexuality is, in the end, to find fault with the very god they claim to worship as the creator of all things. So if this godhead made people that are gay or lesbian, then are the complainers saying that their god made... junk? Ironic, isn't it?

Truth be told, nothing is new under the sun. Homosexuality has always been part of the human condition. The only difference in the modern era is the speed at which news travels combined with more openness and willingness to discuss formerly 'taboo' topics.

If these folks would follow the advice of "Live, and Let Live," and just mind their own business, the country, and even the world would be a much better and happier place.